Crimespree Rumble (Part II)

Posted: August 19, 2011 by Realdeal in Hockey Fun
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Warning: This is part two of a three part “story”, so if you haven’t read part one, do yourself a favor and read it.

To refresh your memories, the five remaining players are: Carcillo, Downie, Westgarth, Konopka & Clutterbuck.

RD: It’s time for our next participant and it’s….no way! It’s Martin Brodeur! And he’s got full gear on!

Joey: I don’t think that’s gear, RD.  Might just be some…extra padding, if you know what I mean.

Rob: Regardless, he’s a legend in this match and who knows how much respect he’ll demand as he steps into the ring.

RD: Brodeur’s not known for fisticuffs like a lot of these other competitors, but it looks like he’s willing to give it a shot.

Joey: He and Downie have paired off. Marty looks awkward but he’s holding his own.

RD: Marty might have an issue with the #14 entrant….it’s New York’s Sean Avery.

Rob: Avery has jumped in front of Marty between him and Downie. And seems to be doing some sort of hand gestures, with his back to Brodeur.

Joey: Whatever it is, Brodeur didn’t take too kindly and took advantage of Avery being turned away and tossed him out.

RD: Short night for Sean Avery, who’s not happy with being eliminated.

Rob: He just punched the official that told him he was out of the match!

Joey: We’re now halfway through the rumble, here’s #15, Winnipeg’s Dustin Byfuglien.

Rob: While Big Buff gets himself acquainted, Konopka just clotheslined Westgarth out of the match.

RD: Looks like Konopka will try to “acquaint” himself with Buff, but Buff is running around the ring away from Konopka!

Joey: And somehow, despite all this carnage, Dan Carcillo is still in the match.

RD: We still have Carcillo. Konopka chasing Byfuglien.  Steve Downie, Cal Clutterbuck and believe it or not, Marty Brodeur all still in the ring.


Rob: IS THAT!?

Joey: IT CAN’T BE!!



Joey: And Flair eliminates Byfuglien!

RD: Clutterbuck is Flair’s next victim!

Rob: He’s just eliminated Brodeur! Flair is on a roll!

Joey: He is just stylin’ and profilin’!

Rob: Can Ric Flair be stopped? He’s got to be the favorite right now.

RD: Ooh, until a shot to the back of the head by Downie.

Rob: Now Downie, Carcillo and Konopka are are stomping on Flair.  They want to get Flair out before he eliminates them.

RD: The teamwork pays off, and the fans are very unhappy that Ric Flair has been eliminated.  A short stay in the rumble, but made his mark.

Joey: We’re also getting #17, Ryane Clowe from San Jose.

Rob: Clowe’s trying to take his shot at Konopka.  Konopka seems to be the King of the rumble thus far.

RD: Downie and Carcillo are still in this match, paired off and hammering away.

Joey: Clowe’s got a decent shot in this match.  Not necessarily a fighter, but a tough customer and a big guy.  He’ll be hard to eliminate.

RD: Oh wow, you will not believe who our next entrant is.

Rob: It’s the NHL’s all time second place PIM leader, Dale Hunter, representing Washington.

Joey: He’s trying to go after Konopka, the former Islander.

RD: Wonder if he thinks Konopka is Pierre Turgeon.

Rob: Konopka and Clowe are now double teaming Hunter.  Smart move on a guy with over 3000 career penalty minutes.

RD: Hunter might have his hands full with these two, but #19 is Scott Mellanby, wearing a Florida Panthers jersey.

Joey: If memory serves, these two had some epic battles in the early to mid 90s.

Rob: Right now Mellanby is tied up with Clowe, but he keeps eyeing up Hunter. This is going to happen eventually.

RD: They’ve both gotten loose, and here they go!  Mellanby’s no stranger to fisticuffs, he’s in the top 25 all time in penalty minutes.

Joey: These guys are firing away. Who will blink first!?

RD: Well, we’re now into the 20s, Pittsburgh’s Matt Cooke is now into the match.

Joey: Cooke’s still not fully recovered from elbow surgery a couple weeks ago.  He had a metal plate placed into his elbow to help heal it.

Rob: Cooke just used his bionic elbow on Steve Downie.  He’s…down…ie…and out!

RD: Cooke’s climbing to the top rope, very unusual for this type of match, but oh my!

Joey: He just elbow dropped Downie!  Downie is hurting!

Rob: This was an easy elimination for Cooke. Using the elbow against the tired Lightning forward signaled the end of Downie’s day.

RD: Cooke’s now going after everyone in this match, using that elbow to knock everyone down!

Joey: Cooke might be unstoppable with that bionic elbow. He’s just thrashing through the opposition right now.

RD: He’s got more company with #21, Blue Jacket Jared Boll entering the match.

Rob: This is a great match; these seven guys are just beating the living hell out of each other.

Joey: We still have yet to see some of the big names in this rumble. Who knows who will be next??

RD: Meanwhile, you still have Hunter and Mellanby, both over 45, hammering away with each other.

Rob: Konopka and Clowe have slowed; both guys are semi resting in the corner.

Joey: Boll is mixing it up with Carcillo and Cooke, trying to prevent Cooke from using that elbow again.

RD: Hey, look what we’ve got here. #22 is bringing us Todd Bertuzzi!

Joey: Hold on a second, who is that behind him!?

Rob: That’s Steve Moore! He just jumped Bertuzzi before Todd could get into the ring! And he’s beating away on the Red Wing!

RD: We’ve got to get paramedics out here; Bertuzzi seems to really hurt from that attack.

Joey: I don’t think Bertuzzi’s fit to compete tonight, being stretchered out of the arena.

RD: In any event, we still have seven guys in the ring trying to become the last one standing.

Rob: Carcillo’s been in there an awful long time, our #6 entry.  He’s got to be getting tired by now.

Joey: If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Dan Carcillo won’t quit.  That pest just won’t go away.

RD: The field is now expanding to eight as we welcome #23, Tyler Myers.

Rob: Myers was my pick early on and he’s a mammoth of a man.

Joey: The 6’7 Sabre is going to be tough to knock out. He’s a machine.

RD: That machine just eliminated Scott Mellanby with ease.

Rob: Dale Hunter just punched him in the face and Myers just glared at him.

Joey: See you later, Hunter. Hasn’t taken long for the young kid to make his mark on this rumble.

RD: Myers just chokeslammed Matt Cooke!

Rob: A lot of guys around the league have wanted to see that for years now.  Myers is now a hero.

Joey: Konopka just eliminated Clowe. That was a long battle between those two.

RD: Incoming! We’ve gotten a new competitor, former Shark and current Oiler, Ben Eager!

Rob: Konopka is just resting in the corner after his last elimination.

RD: Myers with another chokeslam on Cooke, this time, over the top rope and onto the floor!

Rob: The crowd loves that! There’s no way anyone stops Myers ton…

Joey: Eager just pushed Myers over the rope as Myers was glaring at Cooke!

RD: So much for your pick, Rob.

Rob: Eager is staring at something in the audience.  He seems distracted from everything going on behind him.

Joey: It looks like that young woman in the front row has lifted up her shirt! Puppies!

RD: Eager’s mesmerized.  He’s got no idea that Konopka is right behind him.

Rob: Konopka dumps him over the rope right near that young lady.

Joey: She doesn’t seem too happy that he’s been eliminated. So much for more puppies.

Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion in Part III!


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