Crimespree Rumble (Part III)

Posted: August 20, 2011 by Realdeal in Hockey Fun
Tags: , , , , , ,

Warning: This is part three of a three part “story”, so if you haven’t read part one & part two, do yourself a favor and read them.

To refresh your memories, the three remaining players are: Boll, Carcillo & Konopka.

RD: We’ve got three guys left in the ring, and a fourth is coming to join them, by the name of Jordan Tootoo.

Rob: He was your pick, wasn’t he RD?

RD: Yes, he was, and he drew a favorable Rumble position.

Joey: He’s mixing it up with Carcillo right now.

Rob: I still can’t believe that Carcillo is in this match.

RD: This has been a great match so far, and we still have five more entrants to come!

Joey: In fact, I think it’s time for #26.

RD: Yes, and a matter of fact, it’s Dallas Star Steve Ott.

Rob: Carcillo sees Ott and seems to have a second wind.  These two are just trading shots!

Joey: Boll and Tootoo are trying to double team Konopka, but Konopka just banged their heads together.

RD: We’re now down to the nitty gritty with #27 George “the Animal” Parros entering the ring.

Joey: What’s the first thing Parros does? Goes right to an empty turnbuckle and bites it.

Rob: He just ripped that thing off with his teeth! And is eating it!

Joey: I haven’t seen such a display since the late 80s!

RD: He just threw the turnbuckle stuffing into the face of Tootoo!

Rob: Tootoo is blinded and walked right into a Boll Slam!

Joey: Tootoo might be out, but Boll can’t get him eliminated with Konopka beating on his back.

RD: Here we go, #28 is none other than fan favorite Paul “BizNasty” Bissonnette!

Joey: Biz is getting right to….biz, as he quickly punches Carcillo and tosses Ott out of the ring.

Rob: Parros and Konopka have squared off and this should be a dandy.

RD: BizNasty just picked up Boll off of Tootoo and military pressed him out of the ring!

Joey: We still have Carcillo and Tootoo. Biz is cleaning house, and Parros and Konopka battling for fisticuff supremacy.

RD: It looks like we’re about to find out Max Pacioretty’s replacement.  And it’s none other than Pernell Karl Subban.

Rob: Subban is trash talking all of the other competitors as he makes his way down the ramp.

Joey: He talks a lot, but can back it up.  He’s no slouch.

RD: Subban just got into Carcillo’s face and the two traded insults.  Carcillo punched Subban and now the two are rolling around on the mat, punching each other.

Rob: Uh oh, look, Konopka’s got Parros teetering over the rope, close to elimination.

Joey: And the power of Biz, he just chokebombed Tootoo!

RD: There’s the buzzer for our final entrant…#30 Zdeno Chara!

Rob: Wow, did the Maple Leafs get the real raw end of that trade earlier.

Joey: Chara might be tough to beat, but there’s some big guys still left in the ring.

RD: Subban sees Chara and gives him a low blow as he enters the ring!

Rob: Parros is still in this match, barely.  Konopka is trying his best to eliminate him.

Joey: Chara’s back up and he’s mad!

RD: Chara just grabbed Subban and threw him face first into the turnbuckle!

Rob: Not any turnbuckle, but the exposed one!

Joey: Did you see Subban’s head snap back? Thank God he’s not seriously hurt.

RD: In any event, he won’t be hurt anymore as Chara throws him over the top rope.

Rob: We’re down to six! Somehow Dan Carcillo is still in this ma..

RD: Biz just eliminated Carcillo.  That’ll put an end to the long appearance by Carcillo.

Joey: He was a major player in this match.  Lasted almost the entire thing and had his hand in five eliminations.

Rob: Looks like RD’s pick, Jordan Tootoo is on his way out.

RD: Parros has him hanging on the edge, and knocks him down with a punch.

Joey: Down to our final four!

RD: Yes, we have Parros, we have Chara.  Bissonette and Konopka are still in this.

Rob: The four are each in a corner staring at one another, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Joey: Konopka is going after Chara, and it looks like Parros and Biz are squaring off!

RD: Parros just hit Biz with the Stachedriver!  And a leg drop for good measure!

Rob: Chara’s got Konopka in a bad way. He’s setting him up for a suplex here!

Joey: Here comes Parros over to help! This could be the end of Konopka’s night!

RD: OH MY! The carnage! And Kenopka is thrown out of the match by Parros and Chara. We’re now down to three!

Rob: Yeah, but Biz is hurting for sure.

Joey: The shortlived partnership between Zdeno Chara and George Parros has ended as they are trading blows!

RD: A monster clothesline from Parros to Chara! Parros could win this thing!

Rob: Parros is about to throw Chara out. This could be a huge upset in the making!

Joey: Wait a second, wait a second!

RD: As Parros was trying to throw out Chara, Biznasty got up and dumped Parros instead!

Joey: Parros is pissed! He can’t believe it!

Rob: He was so close to winning and now he’s out of the match! Unbeliveable turn of events!

RD: The final two, Zdeno Chara and Paul Bissonnette.  One of these men will win the first ever Crimespree Rumble!

Rob: It’ll be well deserved too, as these 30 men have put themselves through hell tonight.

Joey: Chara and Biz are going toe to toe and these fans are absolutely loving it!

RD: Biz just hit a dropkick that stunned Chara!

Rob: Chara’s gotta get away from the ropes if he’s a little woozy!

Joey: Biz is going for the clothesline to end it, but..

RD: OH NO! OH NO! Biz just flipped over the top rope!

Rob: Hang on! Hang on, he’s still holding on! His feet never touched the floor!

Joey: Chara thinks he’s won but sees Biz climb back into the ring and he can’t believe it!

RD: Chara just DDT’d Biz! I think Biz may be taking too much punishment right now to hang on.

Rob: Zdeno’s just toying with Biz now.

RD: The fans absolutely hate it, the boos are raining down on the Bruins captain.

Joey: OHH! Biz just hit Chara with a low blow!

Rob: Biz is setting up for the Bizhammer!

RD: He hit it! Chara’s staggering around the ring!

Joey: Looks like Biz is going in for the kill!

Rob: Biz dumped him over the rope!




Rob: What a great match and thanks to our competitors for entertaining us tonight.

Joey: We’ll have to make this an annual event! I still can’t believe Bissonnette coming out on top!

RD: It’s time to sign off. Goodnight Crimespree universe!

  1. goaliesgetmorebetches says:

    Where’s Mean Gene Okerlund with the post-match interview?

  2. JoeyD says:

    Rumble Stats Pack:

    Order of Entry – Time In Ring

    1. Orr – 6:40
    2. Ivanans – 6:16
    3. Shelley – 5:35
    4. McLeod – 3:16
    5. Crombeen – 1:54
    6. Carcillo – 38:14
    7. Lapierre – 6:24
    8. Downie – 18:45
    9. Gillies – 3:50
    10. Westgarth – 7:15
    11. Konopka – 32:03
    12. Clutterbuck – 6:42
    13. Brodeur – 5:29
    14. Avery – 0:29
    15. Byfuglien – 2:01
    16. Ric Flair – 1:21
    17. Clowe – 10:28
    18. Dale Hunter – 8:24
    19. Scott Mellanby – 6:36
    20. Matt Cooke – 6:44
    21. Boll – 11:26
    22. Bertuzzi -*never made the ring*
    23. Myers – 2:35
    24. Eager – 1:28
    25. Tootoo – 10:17
    26. Ott – 5:24
    27. Parros – 9:14
    28. Bissonnette – 10:11 *WINNER*
    29. Subban – 3:50
    30. Chara – 7:11

    Total Match Time: 49:11

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